Does this bay window make me look fat?

Some lady at work today asked me if I was pregnant. Granted, I was wearing a big gray sweater-coat and one of those empire-waisted tops, but still. There I was in the kitchen, innocently preparing my lunch, when she shattered my illusions of...height-weight proportionality with one fell swoop. She was appropriately embarrassed and apologized slightly less than profusely. I, of course, brushed it off with my usual aplomb. Apparently, when she was pregnant with her first child (because I love to listen to strangers who think I’m pregnant tell me about their child-bearing/rearing experiences because that’s all we women of child-bearing age want to hear about anyway. Oh, and if you’re single, also about their singlehood/dating life/meeting their husband when they least expected) all she ate was salad.

That, and she thinks I’m fat.

This is not the first time in my life that someone has asked me if I was with child. The first time it happened, I was at work (at the Red Apple Kwik Fill in Binghamton, NY), when an older gentleman, who was concerned about my nasty cough, suggested I see a doctor “especially in [my] condition.” I thought that was very sweet of him, the concern for my health and all. I also thought that it was completely horrifying that he didn’t seem the least bit shocked or appalled that the 19 year-old girl smoking a cigarette behind the counter at his local gas-and-sip was pregnant. But I guess that’s just my middle-class showing. I also happened to be wearing a red smock that was like three sizes too big so I didn’t really take offense at his pregnancy-assumption.

Unlike today.

Today, however, doesn't quite trump a few weeks ago when I read a doctor's description of me in my medical records. "She is stocky, very casually dressed and with some althernative style attire (a nose ring and a large tattoo on her arm)."

A.1.: "Alternative style attire"? Who is this guy, my dad?

B.2.: Stocky? STOCKY?! BOYS are stocky! I am...curvy. Pleasingly plump. Slightly overweight. Big fat-ass. Whatever. I am NOT STOCKY.

However, on the bright side, I am "well-organized and enjoyable to talk to."

If I may, doctor-man, point out YOUR flaws: The description of my so-called stockiness was in the section entitled "MENTAL STATUS." The last time I checked being fat has nothing to do with being crazy, nor does being well-organized have anything to do with being a good conversationalist. You might want to watch your dangling modifiers before you get hurt. And I would really check that habit of ending sentences with prepositions.

YEAH. I may be stocky and pregnant (not), but YOU are a linguistic pinhead.